Post by Iracundus on Jul 31, 2013 2:50:25 GMT -5
I want to say that I'm sorry. I want to say it over and over again. I want to convey my remorse. I don't know the words that will move the stones covering your heart. What I do know is that I put them there. It's an awful truth I will never escape, nor should I attempt to escape. This place was our abode. It seems only fitting that I apologize to you here. I know I've said sorry again and again. And that it may never convince you to come back. And I know that I stole your smile and your tears. It sickens me. My behavior cost us so much.
When we first met, I knew I found the person I loved. When we first met, the hope my life had been missing was found. And I'll tell you that you made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. I'd like to say I made you just as happy one point. I'd like to say. I remember your way of speaking. It was soft and sweet and carried an airy weight to it. One of confidence without cockiness. I remember being uplifted by that spirit, despite my pain. I remember holding you high when you were at your lowest point. I remember how out of our love we tended to the world you created and made it come to life, when no one else would join us. You carried my creativity. To be honest, my will to write is mostly negligible. You sparked that in me, and since then I've consistently found ways to create, even in the dry spells.
But I am toxic. I am poison. I am venom. I made mistakes. Plenty. Too many. And you left. And I broke. And we came back together. And I hurt you. For too long I hurt you. Because I hated myself. Because I thought that if you left me, my misery would be complete. You were strong. And you braved through it as best you could. But it came at such a terrible cost. To be honest, I wish you had left last year so that you would have been spared that nightmare. I wish I could take it all back. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Though this place is abandoned and long forgotten, I still hold some vigil over it. And though your love for me is diminished to the point of being gone, I will hold vigil over its memory. And I will cry and try desperately to fix things. I will do everything in my power to do better, even if you never love me again. I'm a fool. I'm a monster. I'm broken. And I wish I wasn't any of those things. I wish I could have done better for you. I wish I could do better for all the worlds we made and all the characters we kept. And I wish so much that we could stay together.
I disappointed you. And I hurt you. My mind will never grant me reprieve for those things. So I will maintain vigil here. To atone. To reflect. I hope that if I reflect enough, I will find what makes you smile. That I will find the words. That I will find the song. That I will find the speech. That I will find the thing that will make you whole. It might not be me who sees you healed, but I will do my utmost to help you find it.
I'm sorry. For everything.
When we first met, I knew I found the person I loved. When we first met, the hope my life had been missing was found. And I'll tell you that you made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. I'd like to say I made you just as happy one point. I'd like to say. I remember your way of speaking. It was soft and sweet and carried an airy weight to it. One of confidence without cockiness. I remember being uplifted by that spirit, despite my pain. I remember holding you high when you were at your lowest point. I remember how out of our love we tended to the world you created and made it come to life, when no one else would join us. You carried my creativity. To be honest, my will to write is mostly negligible. You sparked that in me, and since then I've consistently found ways to create, even in the dry spells.
But I am toxic. I am poison. I am venom. I made mistakes. Plenty. Too many. And you left. And I broke. And we came back together. And I hurt you. For too long I hurt you. Because I hated myself. Because I thought that if you left me, my misery would be complete. You were strong. And you braved through it as best you could. But it came at such a terrible cost. To be honest, I wish you had left last year so that you would have been spared that nightmare. I wish I could take it all back. I wish, I wish, I wish.
Though this place is abandoned and long forgotten, I still hold some vigil over it. And though your love for me is diminished to the point of being gone, I will hold vigil over its memory. And I will cry and try desperately to fix things. I will do everything in my power to do better, even if you never love me again. I'm a fool. I'm a monster. I'm broken. And I wish I wasn't any of those things. I wish I could have done better for you. I wish I could do better for all the worlds we made and all the characters we kept. And I wish so much that we could stay together.
I disappointed you. And I hurt you. My mind will never grant me reprieve for those things. So I will maintain vigil here. To atone. To reflect. I hope that if I reflect enough, I will find what makes you smile. That I will find the words. That I will find the song. That I will find the speech. That I will find the thing that will make you whole. It might not be me who sees you healed, but I will do my utmost to help you find it.
I'm sorry. For everything.